my sweet samanteehaha....ur so funny. which is sad that i find humor in ur pain but i guess ur pain isnt bad cuz u and luke are all happy happy joy joy now. (sorta.)

uhhh yeah i've decided that i'm gonna ask him to HC (i probably already said that). its just that there's this other girl hillary who we're both friends with and she is like SO cool. like i can't see why any guy wouldn't be crazy about her. and idk if she likes brandon too. and to me she has so much more of a chance w/ him cuz they're both in the same league (if u get what i mean). i'm afraid she'll beat me to the punch or that he'd rather go w/ her. and as much as i want him to say yes.......i would much rather him say no if he was only gonna say yes to be nice. u no? and i'm not gonna tell him how i feel cuz its still confusing right now. like, after dating ryan for so long and just dating around....you get more sensitive to "i love you". like, i even think I'M too young to know what love is. and i won't know till i find that 'one'. u no? but i cant describe how i feel about him. just that i think he's amazing and awesome and incredible and perfect and hillarious and cool and strong and wholesome and nice and caring and honorable and tender and just......gah! and he's really...uhh..i can't think of the word but he was gonna enlist in the military and that takes a lot of _________ (whatever that word is....not only guts but heart and passion and gah whatever that word is! i think u could sorta get it tho). and i'm just a lame-o nerdy dork in high school that doesn't know how to live life. our maturity levels are so different. and i love that about him.....but hate it about me. i guess that's what makes him and hillary in the same "league". they both know how to live life and have fun and even tho they're only a year or two older than me, they know so much more about life than i do. i want someone to show me how to live, without making me feel uncomfortable. i mean, u have to get out of ur comfort zone for anything new, but u get it.  i guess the main point is that i can't see why he would like me and not her. this is KILLING my self-esteem! i gotta quit it! kk well i'm sure i'll be talkin to ya. call me sometime whydontcha?!  (just after 5:30 tho cuz i might be in rehearsal or somethin) kk I LOVE U SAMIKINS!

~Noelle

Currently Listening Wreck of the Day By Anna Nalick see related

NOELLE! i didnt kno you like him tht much! this is crazy. listen, i kno you like him, but you cant let him ruin your life this much. if your thinking about him all the time, you might as well tell him. bcus chances are, he feels the same way, and you dont wanna hold it in like oyu are. it always works out better wen you get things like tht off your chest. i mean, i dont really kno wht all has happend, if you told him how you feel about him er not. but i think you shuold tell him. i dunno. its not tht bigg of a deal..well, yes. yes it is. lol. i dont really kno wht to tell you bcus i nvr really felt like tht about a boy bfore. wait, yes i have. it was luke. and i loved everything about me. wen he called me, he would say "hey beautiful , how was your day." and i would just melt. i have wasted so many hourse thinking nd crying over him. and fer you to go throught the same thing, it sux. and you better not tell me im to young to feel tht fer a guy, but it is true. and love DOES hurt. you have to suck it up. thts life, and your going to find so many guys tht youll feel the same way about in your life. bcus your a talented little lady noelle! and your beautiful. you have the greatest sense of humor, nd i cant be around you for 1 minute w/o LMBBO (laughing my bubble butt off) hah ha. your just one cool chick. and im lucky to have you as a sister. i love you with all my humongo heart and hope all this goes away. YOU NEED TO TELL HIM! dont feel like a burdan wen you talk to him. if he talks bak, then he wants to talk. maybe somtimes he doesnt feel like talking, but then you have to just leave it alone. dont be easy. tht happens with a lot of girls i kno. they like a guy so much tht they just drop all their standards, and make themselves so easy to get. and guys dont like tht. they like a challenge!! but i dont really think you have a problem with tht. so, w/e. there was no point at all to tht. but w/e! so im just going to sum this up with a carrollism SUCK IT UP KIDD! BOYS ARE STUUUPID

ok well, sence i read your trauma, you gotta sit and read through mine!! lol. well, here goes. this kidd josh likes me. nd i thought i liked him. but apparntly, its cus i havent talked to luke in a while. which means i still like luke. :sigh: nd soo ive heard josh is going to ask me out. and tht was the day after a told luke liked josh. so i was like YESSSS! and so i told luke, hey guess wht, hes going to ask me out. nd i didnt think tht was bragging, cus we were like, just friends, only friends. so it was just telling him good news. not trying to get him jealous. nothing wrong with tht right? well i thought so. so luke goes, are you effing KIDDING me? you like that fag? nd im just like, wht the hck? yeh i do like him! whts your problem? and luke goes, well, i like yu still. a lot. so im lik, yeh well, srry kidd. lost your chance. (didnt really say tht..woulda been cool tho!!) lmbo. so, i really said, are you serious? i thought you didnt like me ne mor! wthck? nd so hes just telling me how much he likes me, and not to go out with josh bcus josh will use me. which is true. but ok. and so me nd luke are bak together. well, not officially, but you kno. we are LIKING EACHOTHER !!! --> very much. <-- so, yeh, seeing as how you are pressureing me to get off, and let you read my cheezy writeing!!! ilu hunnybunzz!

Currently Listening Broken By Seether, Amy Lee see related

shamantaha......this sucks

why is it so hard? i can't help but like him. not that i've made any effort to stop, but still, u know what i mean. and i don't know if it's worse to talk to him or to just see him on my buddylist window and not talk to him cuz i'm afraid that i'll get annoying and he'll never talk to me again? i wish i could cry for him. but i can't. because there's this stupid little voice in the back of my head that says, "you still have a chance". and for me, i say yeah we do have a chance. but i guess to him since he's going to college he doesn't want to be 'tied down' w/ any stupid little highschooler, u no? and i hate that. u know, i don't even care if we go out. i just want to be able to see him every once in a while. and i know you're biased and don't have the same viewpoints as me but in my eyes this is the greatest guy i've ever met. like, i was talking to him about prom. he said he would have gone to prom if it were a bit more romantic. isn't that sweet?! but u know what else? i get to thinking if he would have maybe asked me to prom since he claimed he was falling for me. *cries* (well not quite) omgosh how awesome would that have been?

but i talk to him and i just want to be like, "i love you". but that'd be too awkward for him and i don't want to make a fool of myself and for him to get all scared and block me and not talk to me. so talking to him and knowing that i can't have him hurts so frickin bad. but then knowing that he's online and not letting myself talk to him because i don't want to be a nuisance hurts really bad too. idk which is worse. and idk which would be worse in the long run.

i'm still gonna ask him to homecoming tho. i figure he'll be like, "uhhhh" and i'll just say "if u don't wanna go then just say no and i'll get over it." 

i've decided its better to admire someone from afar. when i kept thinking he was out of my league it wasn't hard for me to deal with it. but once i found out i had a chance, it's been bugging the crap outta me.  i just want it to go away. why cant it go away? i want to cuss right now but i wont cuz i have better self control than that.

i think if i go write i'll come up w/ some pretty good stuff cuz i'm hurtin real bad right now. my best always comes out when i'm doin some hard hurtin'. thanks for reading this samikins. i love you.  see ya tomorrow.

.:you won't get to see the tears i cry...:.

well that's interesting. sry bout the whole gav man thing. i'm not taking sides or anything, but i do know how it is to have a guy that you don't like constantly calling and bugging you. yup. you ARE going to HC w/ me and i'm GOING to set u up w/ someone. we'll figure that out when the time comes though. ok idk what else to say so i'm posting a quote for today:

"Even something as beautiful as a rose can cause pain..."

love ya,
~"Big Sis"
PSALMS. LOVE THEM. here's one for ya:

"My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O Lord; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee and will look up.

for you art not a God that hath peleasure in wickedness: neither shall evil dewll with thee. "

5:3-4